If your daughter looks at you weird, be honest. ![]() Here are some sample questions: How's work? Where do you want to travel in the future? Have you been getting out with girlfriends at all? Is this where you pictured yourself at your age when you were a kid? What's the next step for you in your career? Do you want to go back to work? What's the thing you're most proud of? Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert? What's a hobby you wish you'd get back to? What did you think of Real Housewives this week? ANYTHING THAT ISN'T ABOUT THE KIDS. You can imagine that this makes her feel kind of worthless to you, and hurts the relationship. This makes the daughter feel like some kind of weird cable that connects you to the next generation, rather than a person worthy of your interest. Mostly, the mom realizes that she doesn't ask jack about her own kid/in-law kid. This experiment often yields very interesting results. Whatever you would talk about to her then, talk about to her now, for this week. Pretend, for the sake of the experiment, that she is childfree. To reiterate, every single question you pose will be about your daughter, herself, as an adult human being with her own life, interests, and passions. "Do I exhibit interest in my daughter/daughter-in-law or just in the grandkids?" One experiment that may teach you a great deal is very simple: try, for a week, only to ask about your daughter or daughter-in-law, and to just trust that if they have information about the kids that they want to share, they will share it. ![]() So, might as well accept that your son is in a relationship that works for him, and, even if he's not, your comments about it will do more harm than good. For many men who were raised by controlling or difficult moms, marrying a controlling or difficult woman seems like home, and leads to a spark of attraction and love that isn't felt with a more laid back woman. ![]() According to imago theory, it's likely because you were controlling! By making passive aggressive or outright aggressive remarks about your son being controlled by your daughter-in-law, you're treating him even more like a child who has no capacity to figure out how he wants to live his own life. And he should be hers- but that isn't your business! If you're constantly thinking about how your son is controlled by his wife, you're missing a wonderful opportunity to think about why he would have picked a controlling woman. "Do I accept that my daughter in law should be my son's number one priority?" Because she should be, for the marriage to succeed.
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